PMS continued

While discussing PMS with one of my coworkers-slash-readers tonight, I realized that this month’s PMS started earlier than I thought. The day before Christmas I had some driving around town to do because I’m cat-sitting for a friend. I posted on Facebook, “No one has the Christmas spirit on the roads today.” I had honked three or four times within thirty minutes of leaving my house. I’m not a huge honker. I only honk if someone is trying to hit my car and I have the time to honk AND avoid a collision. Not five minutes away from my house some woman tried merging into my lane, right at the spot that I was driving in said lane. So I honked at her. I think there was another honk less than ten minutes later – but I can’t remember. Then, as I was nearing my friend’s house, I honked AGAIN because the car in front of me was driving too slow!! I honked at an OLD WOMAN BECAUSE SHE WAS DRIVING TOO SLOW!!! What kind of monster AM I?!

 

 

 

 

 

The PMSing kind.

PMS and Hanger

Ok, so there’s this problem affecting relationships around the world. It’s called PMS.

PMS is this cruel trick played on women. It makes us think we’re crazy. It makes people around us think we’re crazy.

The reason I’m writing about this topic is because I’m currently experiencing it. Ha! I think it’s a major issue because it’s really hard for people who AREN’T feeling it to really understand it. I have had issues with bosses because of it, with boys, with myself. It’s the most confusing thing ever. But it’s really hard to expect outsiders to understand how we’re feeling if WE don’t even understand what we’re feeling!

My weirdest example of PMS is this: one day I was driving to work at the zoo. It was a normal day, a normal drive. I was really close to work and, as I was stopped at a light, I saw a car stalled in the opposite lane. I watched as a Good Samaritan pulled over, got out of his car, and helped push the stalled car into an adjacent parking lot, out of traffic. As I drove by this scene, when the light was green (rhymes!), tears were just falling down my face. I felt that the person who got out to help was SO GOOD! And I couldn’t figure out why my face was gushing water…until I figured I must be PMSing.

Just now, I was driving on a highway and all of a sudden traffic was at a standstill. It’s raining so I figured an accident must have just occurred. It was potentially going to make me late for work, so I started getting a little frustrated. But I started praying for anyone potentially involved, because it helps me keep perspective (and does some good, I hope) while traffic builds up. Eventually the emergency services got there and got traffic moving slowly. As I passed the accident, I saw a large pickup flipped on its side. The emergency crew was just bringing some stretchers over as I drove by, so I knew whoever was driving/riding in that truck was still in there. Again, tears just started pouring out of my face.

I have cried over some very ridiculous things. I have cried because I was hungry. At work. I have cried at tiny moments in movies. PMS is so hard! And boys NEVER actually have it, so they can’t wrap their minds around it. It’s even hard for many women to understand because either they don’t go through the same issues while PMSing, or they can’t remember how it feels if they’re not currently feeling it.

This brings me to a related topic: Hanger. I experience an extreme level of “hanger.” When I’m very hungry, I lose all control of my emotions. I will rip your face off. I will storm out with the slightest provocation. Just feed me. Feed me and I can’t even remember I was upset.

Now put hanger and PMS together….and everything is lost. Don’t even try. I might as well be put in a padded cell. Haha. (But not really….please don’t lock me up.)

My First Kiss

The Winter of 2011

Here’s my big confession: I was very late to the dating party. My first official date was a day or two after I graduated COLLEGE (2009). My next official date was two and a half years later.

My second date was also when I got my first kiss.

I’d been talking to and texting with this guy from work. We’ll call him Steve*. I wasn’t sure if I thought he was cute or not. We did have a fun meet cute, so there was that. (He saved me from talking to someone I really didn’t want to talk to, at a party about two months after I started working at the zoo.) Anyway. We’d been talking for about a month. We’d hung out at his apartment. Our first hangout, I made him watch all the Twilight movies (I think there were three out at that time). I fell asleep. AFTER he forced me to move over and snuggle with him. Which was SO awkward for this girl who had been on one date and never kissed a guy. I was SO not into snuggling with him. I just wanted to watch Twilight and hang out!! Ha, anyway, once when we were texting he used a word that I’d never heard a guy my age use (looking back, it was probably dumb. But he said “implicit.”) And smart guys are sexy. So I said something about wanting to kiss him. Basically I gave him the go-ahead to kiss me if he took me out.

So the first week of December we went on our first date (my second date EVER) downtown on the river. I looked GOOD. Not gonna lie. I had a cute sweater dress, boots, long hair. This was one lucky fool. So, I knew the whole time that the kiss was going to come. I didn’t know when. I was almost dreading it. We walked, ate dinner. During dinner he told me how great I looked (DUH) and he fished for a compliment from me (I’m a terrible liar and I STILL wasn’t sure I found him attractive or not!) So after dinner, we started walking around the Riverwalk and we stopped at a random spot near a bridge or something….and it almost happened. It was actually supposed to happen…but as it was coming, I awkwardly bailed by putting my head down. So. Cool. He asked if I was ok, I said yeah. So we tried again. This time it happened.

(Here’s the outfit I wore. This wasn’t the night of the date, but it’s the exact same outfit.)

first date (2)

Now, since this was my first kiss EVER, like, since my parents kissed me goodnight as a tiny child, I was expecting a sweet peck of some kind. Yeah. No. That did not happen. He came open-mouthed, tongue in my mouth. Now, I will give him credit. Once I got used to the whole kissing thing, I realized he was a darn good kisser. And I think that he probably helped make me a decent kisser. But for my first kiss, that was not what I wanted. In my mind I remember thinking, “Holy crap. Why is this SEA MONSTER in my mouth right now?! And what do I do with it??” I’m pretty sure his receiving end must have been awful. But he kept racking up the numbers as the night went on. It never got better on my end. It felt so weird and awkward all night.

When we got back to his place, where I’d left my keys and purse, I was totally ready to bail and go home. It had been a very tiring night for me, worrying about kissing and then dealing with his tongue. But he started kissing me. Then he pushed me on the couch and started making out with me. COME. ON. I was so not into it. I dealt with it for like a minute but when his hand started creeping up my dress, I totally ran away. I told him I was so tired and I practically sprinted to my car. I immediately called my best friend from college, who thankfully woke up, and recalled the night. I told her about the sea monster, too.

I was 24 years old. It was two years ago this month. I actually feel like I’ve been kissing people forever now, but I can vividly remember how terrifying that first time was. (Because it was ONLY TWO YEARS AGO.)

Steve and I have a long, tumultuous history that I’ll share more of with you guys. But there’s plenty of time in my “year without any dates” for that!

So, there’s that embarrassing story. Do you have any embarrassing first kiss/date stories? I’d love to hear them!

*I changed his name, though any friend of mine will know exactly who I’m talking about. Sorry!

Under Construction

Hey all you lovely people! 

I just wanted to let you know that I’m working on getting this blog to look just right so it will be going through some pubescent-like changes this week. I will still post and keep up with everything, but I’m just asking you to bear with me. We were all teenagers once, right? So you know what this is like. The finished result will be much prettier. 

To make it up to you, here is a golden oldie from my own archives. 8th grade. Yeah.

Image

 

I’ve given up dating in 2014

Yep. You read correctly. I’m not going on a single date in 2014. I know, it either sounds crazy or like it’s not a big deal. A few years ago, it wouldn’t have been a big deal if I went years without going on a date – because there were many years when I had no dates. But, 2013 proved to be such a rough year for me in the dating realm, that I decided to give it up for a year.

I’m mostly starting this blog to try to hold me accountable. Dates seem so innocent. I mean, hey. There’s a cute guy. He wants to go out with you. What’s one date, right? WRONG. One date leads to a couple dates which leads to me liking him which leads to him disliking me which leads to me sitting in my car crying because I just got told I’m being rejected AGAIN. So no more!

I’m a terrible dater. I’ve given it the ol’ college try. I’ve gone out again and again, hoping to improve my lacking skills. But it hasn’t worked. If anything it’s probably gotten worse. So let’s just take a sabbatical from dating.

Here are the things I’m going to focus on this year instead of boys:

  1. Writing. All writing. My screenplay, this blog, maybe my journal, poetry, my book idea, etc.
  2. Career. I have yet to really focus on a career become a great employee. This is not because of boys – hopefully. But being distracted by breakups sure doesn’t help.
  3. Art. I used to paint and do art the year after college. I think it was mostly because my job took a lot of my brain power and I needed a way to decompress after work – and my old standby, writing, took too much brain power. So I started painting. I’d like to get back into that. And other crafts. Maybe crochet again. Maybe I’ll tackle more Pinterest crafts and post the disasters here for you to see.
  4. Cooking. I also used to cook a lot. It started when I was a kid and kind of fizzled shortly after college (when “real life” and the job took over). I used to cook, bake. All that. I want to do more. Partly to be healthy and lose weight and partly just to make myself a well-rounded person.
  5. Exercise. I have become soft and lazy. I used to work out all the time. I used to have a job that kept me in shape so I didn’t have to work out. Now I have to actually try. That old metabolism is slowing down as we speak.
  6. Faith. During the past few years I have really fallen away from regular worship and prayer. I think it was another lazy thing or maybe it was a doubt thing…I’m not sure. But I want to do better.

Well, that’s all I can think of for now. But I plan on documenting my daily adventures right here. That way anyone can follow what becomes of my life away from dating. I have just over one year to become the best person I can be! (Ok, I really have more time than that, but this will being the best me without any influence from boys.)

So this technically happened right before my decision not to date, but I’m going to include it in my plan. I made a Facebook page for one of my cats. Yes, my friends have made fun of me already. I know. It’s weird/dumb/crazy. But I’m doing it. And I will enjoy it. Follow him at http://www.facebook.com/stuarttheextra. His eyes are crossed and he’s going to start wearing bow ties.

Welcome to my adventure!