My First Kiss

The Winter of 2011

Here’s my big confession: I was very late to the dating party. My first official date was a day or two after I graduated COLLEGE (2009). My next official date was two and a half years later.

My second date was also when I got my first kiss.

I’d been talking to and texting with this guy from work. We’ll call him Steve*. I wasn’t sure if I thought he was cute or not. We did have a fun meet cute, so there was that. (He saved me from talking to someone I really didn’t want to talk to, at a party about two months after I started working at the zoo.) Anyway. We’d been talking for about a month. We’d hung out at his apartment. Our first hangout, I made him watch all the Twilight movies (I think there were three out at that time). I fell asleep. AFTER he forced me to move over and snuggle with him. Which was SO awkward for this girl who had been on one date and never kissed a guy. I was SO not into snuggling with him. I just wanted to watch Twilight and hang out!! Ha, anyway, once when we were texting he used a word that I’d never heard a guy my age use (looking back, it was probably dumb. But he said “implicit.”) And smart guys are sexy. So I said something about wanting to kiss him. Basically I gave him the go-ahead to kiss me if he took me out.

So the first week of December we went on our first date (my second date EVER) downtown on the river. I looked GOOD. Not gonna lie. I had a cute sweater dress, boots, long hair. This was one lucky fool. So, I knew the whole time that the kiss was going to come. I didn’t know when. I was almost dreading it. We walked, ate dinner. During dinner he told me how great I looked (DUH) and he fished for a compliment from me (I’m a terrible liar and I STILL wasn’t sure I found him attractive or not!) So after dinner, we started walking around the Riverwalk and we stopped at a random spot near a bridge or something….and it almost happened. It was actually supposed to happen…but as it was coming, I awkwardly bailed by putting my head down. So. Cool. He asked if I was ok, I said yeah. So we tried again. This time it happened.

(Here’s the outfit I wore. This wasn’t the night of the date, but it’s the exact same outfit.)

first date (2)

Now, since this was my first kiss EVER, like, since my parents kissed me goodnight as a tiny child, I was expecting a sweet peck of some kind. Yeah. No. That did not happen. He came open-mouthed, tongue in my mouth. Now, I will give him credit. Once I got used to the whole kissing thing, I realized he was a darn good kisser. And I think that he probably helped make me a decent kisser. But for my first kiss, that was not what I wanted. In my mind I remember thinking, “Holy crap. Why is this SEA MONSTER in my mouth right now?! And what do I do with it??” I’m pretty sure his receiving end must have been awful. But he kept racking up the numbers as the night went on. It never got better on my end. It felt so weird and awkward all night.

When we got back to his place, where I’d left my keys and purse, I was totally ready to bail and go home. It had been a very tiring night for me, worrying about kissing and then dealing with his tongue. But he started kissing me. Then he pushed me on the couch and started making out with me. COME. ON. I was so not into it. I dealt with it for like a minute but when his hand started creeping up my dress, I totally ran away. I told him I was so tired and I practically sprinted to my car. I immediately called my best friend from college, who thankfully woke up, and recalled the night. I told her about the sea monster, too.

I was 24 years old. It was two years ago this month. I actually feel like I’ve been kissing people forever now, but I can vividly remember how terrifying that first time was. (Because it was ONLY TWO YEARS AGO.)

Steve and I have a long, tumultuous history that I’ll share more of with you guys. But there’s plenty of time in my “year without any dates” for that!

So, there’s that embarrassing story. Do you have any embarrassing first kiss/date stories? I’d love to hear them!

*I changed his name, though any friend of mine will know exactly who I’m talking about. Sorry!

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