I’m a crazy person

Tomorrow it’s happening. In the afternoon I will be donning my swimsuit, standing in my mom’s room in front of her full-length mirror (my room has become too dirty again to take a picture using MY mirror – everyone would see the mess), and taking another picture. And I’m sad to say, due to the unemployment/not-having-a-car stress of the new year, there will be no difference. I think I initially lost some weight, got back into fitting into some of my pants…but all that is gone. My jeans are super tight again. I’m eating like a maniac. I think my period is also coming, which could mean bloating and the desire to eat and eat and eat – but still. Tight pants. No good. Body might look a smidge tighter, which is good, but not much improvement overall. 

But never fear! The year is still pretty new. We’re only one month in. I’d say I was good for half the month – which is a vast improvement on last year as a whole (the only working out I did was working in a zoo!). 

I’ve also been stressing over something that is probably nothing – but with my anxiety comes a bit of hypochondria. So, with a second trip to the doctor tomorrow, hopefully a large (and pointless) piece of my stress will be gone. The self-induced crazy stress is really getting on my nerves. I have to take sleeping pills most nights just so I can get SOME sleep (and so I don’t go running into my mom’s room in the middle of the night to talk about my hypochondriatic woes – so SHE can get some sleep), my eating has been all over the place. Sometimes I’m not hungry because I get so worried. Then sometimes I feel better so I eat like crazy – but all bad, comfort food. I’m just a hot mess. And I hope the doctor can look at me and say, “The only thing wrong here, hun, is that you’re crazy.” That I can deal with. I already know that much. So if my doctor thinks that’s all that’s going on, I’ll be cool. Here’s hoping.

So wish me luck. Luck at the doctor (though, if it is all in my mind, it’s going to be an embarrassing visit. I just went a couple weeks ago. Though, I’d rather it be embarrassing than have something actually be wrong.) 


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