Ok, so the last few weeks have been rough. I completely fell off the eat-healthy-and-workout-often wagon. My weight is totally back up. I feel so gross (mostly because NONE. OF. MY. CLOTHES. FIT.). And I’m starting to stress about it a lot. I have never, ever, EVER weighed this much (at least since I started keeping track of my weight) and I really hope it’s just due to the amount of inactivity in my life due to unemployment and not having anything to do all day, every day. I really don’t want this to be the new me. I don’t want to be this weight. I don’t want to throw out all my clothes because they’re too small. I don’t want to feel gross about my body and my unhealthy habits.
But it seems to become this vicious cycle. Just like that quote, “I eat because I’m fat. I’m fat because I eat.” It really is like that. I eat because I’m stressed about being too big and then I get big because I’m eating because I’m stressed. I don’t know how to keep my weight where it needs to be when I’m stressed AND when I literally have nothing to do all day but sit at my computer searching for cars and jobs. I mean, how much working out do I need to do to counteract that?
I guess I need to work out, like, six days a week. Since I’m not burning extra calories any other way. Why is this so hard and stressful? Even now, the thoughts running through my head are, “You’re going to be this size forever.” “Your clothes will never fit again.” “You’ll never lose the weight.”
How do I shut those voices up?
I was doing well those first couple of weeks. I was eating pretty decently. You know what? The working out was done in small steps. I was following that plan I took a picture of (cardio and strength every other day with one rest day and one stretching/yoga day). I need to just DO. Not worry. Why is it so hard to stop worrying?