Work plans busted – new plan!

I don’t have time for a full post right now, but I just wanted to share this quickly. After a week of being upset and angry, I have finally mellowed out, which has allowed me to be level-headed enough to come up with a new plan. Instead of thinking so much about work, where I have no control, I decided to focus on something that I have almost complete control over (or at least a majority of the control): my exercise and diet plans. I started out with really good ones when I started this blog, and then got interrupted by some medical worries and a new job. So now I’m going to throw myself into that again. If I stick with it, there will be great results with a healthier body and mind. I would still like to fit into some of my clothes from last summer – even though I have been buying new clothes since literally nothing I owned before fits right now. And I would really like the majority of what goes INTO my body to be healthy and helpful – not trash. 

So, new obsession: GET FIT AND HEALTHY!

How have I already started? I have made a weight lifting record sheet for my lifting partner and myself. My mom got us hand little pronged folders to keep them in so we can make notes as we workout. My plan this weekend, if I have any time (I have a 24 hour babysitting gig starting soon), is to make a cardio AND lifting plan for at least the next month. It’ll be hard to squeeze in all the workouts I want/need because I work two jobs, but I think I can do it with the right amount of planning. Plus, if this will keep my brain healthy and preoccupied, it will be better for everyone. Plus, just changing my diet (aka not eating fast food every day) will make a HUGE impact just by itself. I think the working out will just be a bonus. (I am one of those lucky people with a fairly quick metabolism – yet I find it so hard to purposefully lose weight.)

So I’m feeling pretty positive and excited for the months to come. Now that my brain is freed up, I can focus on this new plan and make it awesome. Having my workout/accountability partner, Brooke, will make it that much better. 

Wish me luck!

Gahhhhh!

There are too many ups and downs in my life for my liking!!! JUST STOP. Stop it. No. Don’t. Don’t. No more!

Gaaahhhhh. I can’t catch a break. I’m doing something very wrong and I still can’t figure out what it is. I think it’s having feelings. And caring about things. I need to just stop caring. Then everything will be even keeled. Boom. Solutions. See what happens when you talk out your problems?

So last week I got stood up (aka he just didn’t text me even though we were supposed to hang out and I haven’t heard from him since the day before we were supposed to hang out) by a sexy male friend. (Obviously, not a friend anymore.) 

Something amazing happened at work. Then about 24 hours later that something amazing was taken away again. So I was on a super high for those 24 hours and I’ve been on a super low (angry and hating everything) since then (then being Saturday evening). I’m so upset that I bailed on going tubing on a river with a lady friend of mine. I LOVE water. I love tubing. But I want nothing to do with any of it because I’m so upset. Being stood up last week sure doesn’t help either. 

I’m definitely hitting a sad patch. Feeling like my friends are all out of reach – I have no go-to person to talk everything out to so I just text random people with random bits of my problems and never feel satisfied that someone heard me and cares. My position at work leaves me wanting more. More responsibility, more projects, more substance. I’m trying to fill the voids with everything I can think of. I missed over a week at the gym because of my second job and having my period last week. I became so inactive. All I wanted to do was rip out my uterus and eat junk food. I had no energy and no drive. Now it’s going to be hard to make myself workout because I’m so sad/mad. I wish I could just take out parts of my brain temporarily so I could get on with life. My brain gets in the way of everything. Stupid feelings. I don’t like them. 

However, today I bought THREE Jillian Michaels workout DVDs. She’s my fave celeb trainer. I also bought 10 lb. weights. And new, super light and airy athletic shorts (which can also double as shorts for work – very nice for those hot days). I bought a new, easier to use water bottle because I’ve been lacking in my water consumption. 

Ok, to occupy my brain and to try to stave off sadness galore, here are some goals for the rest of the month for me to obsess over: 

1. DRINK WATER.

2. DON’T DRINK SODA.

3. Workout 5-6 days a week.

4. Go to church on Sunday mornings.

5. Read before bed every night – no watching TV on the computer.

6. Write in a journal instead of texting my problems to people who don’t really care. 

7. Bring the fast food eating down to one day a week. Preferably one meal a week. 

8. Don’t think about work so much. Explore my neglected hobbies again (there are MANY). 

9. GET OVER IT.

“You don’t think you’re good enough…”

Oh, you guys. I am the WORST. Apparently getting a job means I now just wake up, go to work, work out (yay!), go home, shower, pass out. So, let me update you. I actually have a funny story.

Ok, so one of my new work friends met this super hottie on POF (Plenty of Fish) so, even though I GAVE UP DATING, I decided to sign up and just troll the faces. Bad move. Of course. But you already knew that. As did I. As. Did. I.

This guy, who I will call Sonny, and I started talking. He wanted a good Christian girl (which I consider myself to be – but maybe I should reevaluate that) and we had great messaging and text conversations for a few days. He kept me occupied while I dealt with the flu and missed two and a half days of work.

Toward the end of my illness, we decided to meet up. After I got off work around 11pm (my second, part-time job), I drove out to meet him. He was at a little dive bar with some friends and friends of his friends. Let’s just say that made it crazy awkward. This was our first meeting and we hardly talked at all because of the strangers sitting with us. But it wasn’t awkward in a bad way, so I figured I would give it another shot. We decided to watch a movie at his apartment the next day.

He offered to come pick me up, but he lives so far away that that would have been a ridiculous round trip. I hate to inconvenience people. So we watched “Gravity.” It was the first time for both of us. We didn’t talk much during the movie, except about the movie, because it was so intense. But we talked a bunch after. I thought the openess and flow of conversation was really good…but it turns out that everything I said just made him lose interest in me.

He suggested grabbing dinner, which again I thought was good, so we ran out to Pei Wei. (Our whole hang out was super casual. I was still semi-sick and wearing sweatpants.) On the way there, we continued talking and it became apparent that he was not into me. I said something about how I wasn’t sure why boys have never wanted to actually be my boyfriend and he said that he had some of his own reasons. He mentioned not having time and that I lived far from him. Let’s just say that my mood sank pretty fast.

We finished eating and drove back to his apartment where I promptly got my things and left.

For SOME reason, we continued texting the next few days. And of course the subject of why he wasn’t interested in me came up. He has a million reasons he’s not into me. And that sucked. A lot. But it’s totally my fault. I gave up dating for this year and I haven’t done it! I still hang on to guys I’ve gone out with in the past, hoping that maybe someday they won’t just want to kiss me but they’ll want to date me (even though they didn’t want to date me in the past….). I joined Match.com AND POF in the same WEEK! What is WRONG with me?!

Let’s just say this is a mid-year reminder of why I’m not dating. Or shouldn’t be dating. So much time and energy is lost to thinking about and worrying about boys. Such a waste of life.

Oh, so the funny story. So, while I was having dinner with Sonny, and as the evening was taking it’s sad turn, one of my friends texted me about hitting up some bars with her and her friends. So, to drown out the sound of yet another rejection, I agreed. I met them at the second and final bar for some drinks.

It was tons of fun. But there was a guy who kept lingering with us all night. When my friend would go out to smoke, he would come sit at the table. Every time. He was a former college football player for A&M or some Texas college. I don’t even remember. Huge guy. He even told us that he and his friends (though he changed his story to just his friends as he saw our negative reactions) stole a monkey years ago from the place that me and my friend now work at! That alone was enough for us to be done with him. But he kept at it all night.

The kicker was later in the evening, I was sitting at a table inside waiting for my friend because I was tired of killing my lungs (which were already having some issues due to my recent bout of the flu and the horrible pollen counts we’d been having) outside while she smoked. I was playing with my phone, not feeling outcast or anything. Just waiting. And that guy comes up. He sits down and tells me that he’s been trying to get to me all night. (Lie.) So I said something about my hot, tall, blonde friend. And he says that he thinks that I don’t think I’m as good as my friends because I have MOLES! HA! What’s even better is that I felt like I looked good that night. I’d lost a little weight from the flu, haha, and I was wearing real clothes for the first time in about three or four days.

I just let him elaborate. But what I got out of his spiel was that he thought that he could probably take me home or something because I had low self-esteem. What a pick-up line. Obviously it didn’t work even a little. I did give him my number because I’m too stupid to ever say no or to figure out a way to get out of it. Sheesh. And he texted me once that night and once the next day. So, unfortunately I positively reinforced his sad pick-up attempt. But maybe it’ll give another girl a fun story to share with her friends.