The Before

Here is a reminder of what my body looked like at the beginning of this year.

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Here is what it currently looks like.


So it’s slightly better. But I hope to just get lean and toned with my new workout program. I start with my workout buddy on Friday and I’m so excited!! The workouts look like hard work. But fun. At least that’s what I’m telling myself.


Big stress = little waist

So my whole bettering myself plan hasn’t really happened this year. I’m easily distracted by things like work and tiredness, stress and sleep. Work is stressing me out to the max and instead of turning to exercise for relief, I turn to sleeping pills and fast food. I’ve lost weight, which is really nice as far as fitting into my old clothes goes, but it hasn’t been a healthy weight loss. It’s a stress weight loss, which for me, means not eating as much as I should be. And not eating the right things. So I’m slimmer but not any healthier. I’m very happy to be slim, but I want to use this bad weight loss as a jumping point for a new workout program.

I stumbled upon something on Instagram a few weeks ago and I have been thinking about it ever since. There’s a trainer in Australia named Kayla Itsines and she regularly posts result pictures that girls using her program post and tag her in. And they look EXACTLY like how I want to look! And many of them actually start out looking the way I already look – slim, but a flabby kind of slim. Then they lose fat and develop muscles and lean tone. Which is EXACTLY what I want! So, I finally bought the program today. I bought the eating guide, as well, because my diet is abysmal. I eat fast food for pretty much every meal. I’m a 500 lb. person in a skinny body (and my only saving grace is my major calorie-burning, labor-intensive job, plus some stress).

So, while I’m loving my bikini body this summer (thank goodness!), I know that I’m very unhealthy and I would like to change that. As you know. I’ve been trying FOREVER. I’m hoping this guide will be the change I need. I’m very low on energy (which is another thing that makes working out hard) and very high on stress so I need a huge change.

And, for those of you who told me that I should focus on ONE thing, this is my one thing. Another nice thing about stress, besides weight loss, is how it causes me to lose the ability to focus on many things at once. My brain sort of shuts down and I can’t think about much besides what’s stressing me out. So this one thing is what I will be focusing on. Thankfully, because of the guides, I will hopefully not have to think much. I will just have to DO. But doing is the hardest part.

By the way, this week, or just prior to starting this new program, I will post a current “before” picture. It will be better than my last one, and hopefully I will have more frequent updates to post! The people I see using this program have AMAZING after pictures just half way through the program. I hope to be one of them.

I’m Worried

I’m not going to lie: my enthusiasm for getting fit and eating right is waning right now. I’m going to blame all the stress in my life. This whole not-having-a-job-or-a-car-thing is really getting to me. I’m stressed about how to find the right car. I’m stressed that I’ll never find a job I love. Or that I’ll find plenty but I’ll never get hired for them. I’m stressed about my finances since I haven’t had any income for a few weeks. I’m stressed that I won’t lose these last ten pounds. I’m stressed that I’ll actually start gaining weight again.

So many things to worry about, so little time.

This is a chronic problem of mine. I’m a worrier. And, if I don’t have anything to worry about, I make something up.

So whine, whine, whine, whine. That’s what I want to do right now instead of working out. But maybe, because I know it’ll make me feel so much better, I’ll go do one of my favorite quick workouts that I got from my friend Bethany.

10 to 1: Do 10 of each move, then 9, then 8, etc. Taking no breaks means you also get a cardio workout.

  • Jumping jacks
  • Push-ups
  • Squats
  • Crunches (or any ab move)
  • Squat jumps

Seriously, this workout is a full-body wonder. You’ll be sore and tired but the more you do it, the more you can do. I’ve actually upped this workout to 15 to 1 before. It killed me. In a good way. (Aka I took a step down my front porch after a 15 to 1 workout and I almost went sprawling to my death because my legs were SO tired and jello-y.)

Wow, just writing this post already made me feel better. 10 to 1, here I come!

The Importance of the Workout Buddy

Some people can, and love to, work out on their own. I am not one of these people. I was in school sports from 8th grade through my sophomore year of college. After I quit college track (shin splints), I played games and ran around with a couple of guy friends who’d also quit track. After college I worked out regularly with my friend M’Leigh, and sometimes my apartment building buddy *Brad. M’Leigh and I would laugh and chat, making our workouts more like social time. We didn’t even notice that we were working out anymore – and yet we totally ran those five miles just now.

Well, the time has come again! I found two workout buddies. One, my brother, has been trying to get me to go to the gym with him for a long time. He even got me my sweet gym membership deal a looooong time ago. But I just wouldn’t ever go. I didn’t want to lift weights like he was, and I hated wandering the busy gym alone. It was scary. Well, now that I’ve been working out pretty regularly all month, and attending classes at my gym, I’m not so scared. And I do actually want to do the workouts my brother is doing. The other buddy is my friend Sam. I convinced her to join Gold’s Gym but she got a level above me and consistently goes to a gym that is in that level – meaning she could workout with me at MY gym but I couldn’t workout with her gym.

Well, it was “bring a friend” week last week so I tried out her (crazy aerobic) Zumba class and came to the realization that her gym was way lamer than mine – but it cost more money. The next week she finally came to my gym for a random class (something called Body Jam with some super fun instructors – it was reminiscent of Zumba) and she, too, realized how much nicer my gym was. So I think I finally converted her! She’ll be going to her gym for Zumba with her fave instructor, but I think I can get her to join me for classes and the like more often. Yay!

Sam and I after an intense Zumba sesh at her Gold's gym.

Sam and I after an intense Zumba sesh at her Gold’s gym.

I have also gone to two Camp Gladiator workouts with my friend Bethany. Even if we don’t partner up for buddy-exercises at the camp, just arriving together is enough. And leaving together, high on endorphins, ready to devour some sammiches. That’s my kind of buddy system.

Speaking of workout buddies, my bro is headed to the gym now so I think I have to get off my lazy bum and go join him. Yaaay…..

Catching Up

What is up, my homies?

So many good things are happening! Ok, so I’ve had some ups and downs the past couple of weeks. I made out TWICE with the boy who most recently rejected me. ONE DAY after the last time I made out with him, Jeremy, Corbin called me up to hang out and I got drunk and made out with HIM! And then I wanted him, bad. He’s the closest I have ever come to having someone like me back and want to date me. And he’s so sexy. (TALL. Cute butt in dem jeans.) So I was pining away after Corbin, allowing me to get over Jeremy…then I got over Corbin. SO, I’m currently on track! I have not been on a date this year. I have kissed two boys who I have previously gone out with. I had some minor pining over each of them – but I am good and moving on! BOOM!

Then my mother and my brother helped me go through my one-bedroom-apartment’s worth of stuff in the garage (since it weirdly won’t fit into the single bedroom that I currently call my own) and I got rid of so much shizz! I still have a few boxes to go through, including my room, but I am on a ROLE. When things have been stashed away in boxes for five years (and in another state for three), it’s really easy to disassociate feelings with things and just get rid of it all. It was fun to rifle through some things from my first post-college job. (My first real job – out of the only two I’ve had.) I found lots of pretty doodles I’d done during meetings, lots of hilarious quotes from coworkers that I’d written down, cute little notes from coworkers and the like. I found sweet gems I’d forgotten I had. And it made me super excited to FREAKIN’ GET MY OWN PLACE so’s I can put up all my framed pictures, art, etc! My place is going to be so fun looking. So ME. Though, how could it look any other way. Decluttering isn’t just good for your home/storage space, it’s good for the soul. I feel like I’ve sloughed off some layers of dead skin. 

Last week I spent a day with one of my best friends, Sam. We went shopping (I bought nothing because I’m unemployed), we watched a little Grey’s Anatomy, we did some Zumba (with the perkiest male Zumba instructor ever – a first for me), and then we PAINTED! I hadn’t painted (anything besides walls – personal walls and work walls) since I lived in Nebraska (read: nearly five years ago) but it was a great experience. I painted flamingos (of course). One of them came out kind of derpy, the first one I painted, but the other one looked nice. I found a photograph online of some flams and just copied that. Image

My favorite part is the shadows. Now, I know this is very elementary, so no judging. It was painted just for fun. 🙂

I’m working out! I did a bunch of lifting with my “little” bro yesterday. My 10 pound weights looked ridiculously small next to the 85 pounders he was using, but since he’s my bro, I didn’t feel even a little intimidated. And since I was in the gym working out with such a beast, the gym itself didn’t intimidate me. Ever since my two Zumba classes, I already feel less intimidated by my gym. I also know my gym is a really good one, after doing Zumba at my friend’s (more expensive) gym. Mine is way better. (Both are Gold’s but her’s is a former-Spectrum/Ruby Level. Mine is just Gold Level.) So I plan on using my brother as a free trainer. He’s very motivating. No bullshit. When I whine about how heavy the weight is or that I want to stop, he just yells at me. Because he can. And I listen, while continuing to whine, because I can. 

Ok, related to the working out- I got weighed this morning at the doctor’s office, pre-eating, and it was high, my friends. I knew I’d gained a bunch of weight since I needed bigger pants, but putting a number on it just was a real slap to the face. My average weight, when being active and/or working an active, full-time job, is between 135 and 140. I’m very used to 135 being my goal weight to stay at. 137 at the most. Well, over the past couple of weeks, thanks to working out, better diet, and loss of appetite due to illness, I have lost a few pounds. When I was weighed this morning, I was 146. That means I was at LEAST 150 at my heaviest. Maybe more. People. I have never weighed 150. EVER. I really let myself go. I started this blog and renewed my workout initiative JUST. IN. TIME. Almost twenty pounds?! That’s like a pregnant lady. I did not have a child. This is inexcusable. And I know all that weight was bad. It was not muscle. I was getting weaker by the minute. It was all flab. All fast food. All crap. Dang, son. Dang. 

Tonight I’m finally going to Camp Gladiator. My other best friend got me a month of Camp Gladiator for Christmas, and it’s only good for January. Well, the first week I was able to go, I got sick. Stuck-in-bed sick. Last week I didn’t have car access very much. I’m still sharing with my family, so I use it whenever I can. But it’s rare. This week I have car access so I finally get to go! But that means I only got to use 2 out of 4 weeks of my gift. BOOOO. It was out of our control – neither of us saw my loss of car/illness coming, but still. It’s annoying. I don’t want to waste such an excellent gift. 

Yesterday evening I went to a birthday party for a two-year old. I wouldn’t have missed it because I love this kid and his family. And I don’t actually feel awkward being the only single/child-less attendee, but I always wonder what the other adults (who all come with a spouse and at least one child) are thinking. Of course, when they find out that the kids’ mom and I went to college and have known each other for almost a decade (I just realized today that it really has been that long. I met Lauren my freshman year, which started in 2005), they’re like, “Ohhh, ok. I thought maybe you were a neighbor.” Because, how else could I know Lauren if I don’t have children? How could we have ever met? What in the world do we have in common? Lots, dang it! We ran track together, we’re both Lutheran. Whatever. I do have fun at these kids’ parties, though. I mean, I love the kiddos and the adults that come are very fun, too. But I definitely stick out without a husband by my side and a kid on my hip. Suck it. Children love me.

I’ve been procrastinating on my Ornithology reading. The feathers chapter is daunting because I remember how hard it was for me to read two years ago – even though what I’ve read so far isn’t intimidating – and my mom has a three-day weekend so she keeps dragging me around to do things. Plus I’ve just been lazy. No excuses! 

Well, tonight is a busy one. I’m walking/feeding dogs for my part-time boss, hopefully doing Camp Gladiator with a best friend, and then my social volleyball team has a game at nearly 10 pm. Woop! Unemployed but still busy! Love it.


Guess who’s back, bitches!!! That’s right. I am. My computer cord came in the mail today, the computer is chargin’ up as I type – on a real keyboard that isn’t trying to drive me crazy by randomly deleting words I type! I’m in control now, sucka. 

So this past week:

  • I mostly didn’t work out. I did my 20 minutes of strength yesterday, after a week off with mountain cedar allergy/sickness that left in bed and appetite-less for most of a week. Today I’m heading over to the gym for some Zumba! Gonna be out of breath, will need to stuff some Kleenex in my bra for the inevitable rush of snot that’s going to come pouring out. I will need a bottle of water to hydrate my mouth, mostly because it will be open the entire hour because I cannot breathe through my nose yet.
  • I spent half a week NOT eating and then a couple days eating some bad food because nothing tasted good in my nose-less world. But yesterday and today I have been doing well. I made another roasted veggie/sausage batch. I’m eating my Cheerios with raspberries, as well. The only thing I’m really low on is water. I’m super dehydrated because of my allergy pills and my lips are just falling apart because of this. So I need to drink more H2O.
  • Boys. Ugh. I kissed that boy again last night. (Jeremy, I mean.) And also over the weekend. I’m a mess. My girlfriends are so busy or far away (and my car was totaled last week so I’m relying on sharing with my mom and bro, who both work full-time) so I’ve been desperately seeking friendship from guys I’ve gone out with (who both live really close)…and let me tell you, that’s not good for the ol’ brain. The fact that Jeremy is totally cool kissing me but isn’t really that big into hanging out much or dating me at all really doesn’t feel good. But my loneliness from a lack of friends and job just keep driving me into his arms. I’m failing on the boy front. 
  • I just turned in an application for a part time job at a little clothing shop down the road. I’m in desperate need of money while I find my “career” type job (hopefully zoo keeping again!). I was hoping that my part time job working at a country concert venue would fill in my gaps but I only have one gig there this month….sooooo that sucks. 
  • I went car shopping with my brother twice so far. I think I know what I want – or at least some of the things I don’t want. Now I just need to find a sweet deal and get it going. I need a car so bad. Sharing with my family is HARD. 
  • My social volleyball league started a couple weeks ago. We’ve lost both games so far. I have bruises and scabs on my knees because I can’t find my high school knee pads. But it’s fun. We went drinking after Monday’s game and I enjoyed the company of a couple of my teammates (not that I didn’t enjoy the company of my other teammates, they just weren’t present). We just lost our good dude to an injury from another social sport…so it’s not looking good for our team, but we’ll try!
  • Ornithology. I am reading an ornithology textbook that I bought the summer I was an intern for the San Antonio Zoo bird department (2011). I never got very far in it before I got hired, and busy, and just unmotivated to read. This week I have been reading the book like crazy. I know now that I love birds and I want to work with them for a long time so I’m really inspired to read this book and learn as much as I can – especially since I heard that a zoo called one of my references about my application for a bird job!!! I’m trying not (and failing) to get my hopes up. But I’m reading this book and researching as much as I can about the birds at that zoo so I have the best chance to get the job. Because I miss my birds. I would totally try to work at the SA Zoo again….but the reason I left is still there. 

So I’m unemployed, car-less, boy-less, nearly friend-less, but I have a computer cord. Yeah, baby! Things are looking up. Now to get out of this boy-related FUNK and stop hanging out with them! (And keep working out and eating right. And time to start some art.) I think having this blog back in action will help with the loneliness/boy crap. Hopefully.