When your friends get boyfriends, you start making bad life choices….

Alright, everyone. Here is it. Big confession.

I blew it. I went on a date. I KNOW. But let give first give you my list of excuses. I’m lonely! My best lady friends have abandoned me for boys and let me tell you, it is way harder to find new girl friends than it is to get dates. This should be the opposite. But it’s not. Our modern world makes connecting with people of the opposite gender so easy. Maybe I’m just missing all the “find true friendship” sites…but I feel like that’s where desperate people would linger and not super awesome cool kids like myself who just happened to have lost all friends at once due to relationship status changes out of their control. Maybe some of you know of places where I can meet some cool, preferably SINGLE, ladies who are not desperate, just in need of some good old fashioned lady friends. ANYWHO, I’m getting off track. So. I went on a date. Because I miss my ladies. And this was my solution. 

And a bad solution it was. AWKWARD. I’d been chatting with this guy from Match.com for about a week, I guess. Our schedules were both a little busy so meeting up was hard. But finally we secured a night. And he asked me to a movie. I should have said no. I should have said, “Let’s do coffee instead!” or ANYTHING that would have put us face-to-face, in a well-light room so we could actually talk. Sitting next to a strange guy in a dark theater where you really shouldn’t talk is really awkward. What’s even MORE awkward is when this guy you JUST MET IN REAL LIFE LIKE THIRTY MINUTES AGO reaches out and holds your hand. I was so uncomfortable that it almost hurt. It did actually hurt. I was in awkward pain. THEN, because he obviously couldn’t tell that this was a bad move from my limp hand and rigid posture, he puts his arm around me and pulls me over. So I have to do the awkward lean (which is super uncomfortable unless the guy is like 6’6″) AND my body is STILL rigid because I’m hating every moment of this. Finally, after about two minutes, I can’t handle it. I pulled away. I leaned all the way over to the other side of my chair and just told him that I’m not really into being physical with a guy I just met. Yuck. Blech. WHY?! 

He was cute-ish and seemed pretty normal, but I just didn’t feel anything. He’s texted me a couple times since the awkward date but I quit responding. I just still feel icky from his touchy-feelings and I’m just not that into him, I think. 

So, please. Help me find some lady friends! I don’t want to go on any more awkward dates just for something to do on a week night!

I have actually decided to take a sewing machine class this summer. Broadening my skills and hobbies. I have always wanted to be able to sew quick little pieces for myself…and I decided to DO IT. Maybe I’ll meet some old ladies who will be my new friends and we can have sewing circle get-togethers on the weekends. With tea. I don’t like tea. I’ll drink a Coke. But we’ll have fun. I’ll meet some new cats. Hear stories about when they rolled bandages for the war. 

Ok, and you know what? Before one of my besties got back with an old beau, we went on a local kayaking trip with an outfitter, with a group of strangers, and that was pretty fun. I feel like I could meet some more people that way. It costs moolah, but it might be worth it. At least I’ll have some fun on the weekends, even if I don’t make friends. I will just do fun things, alone, near other people, and make scrapbooks of my adventures with strangers. It’ll all be okay….right?

This date reminded me that I don’t like going out with new guys. Having to get to know someone, which is the best part for a lot of people, is actually my least favorite part. I want to know someone already! I want us to be best friends and travel the world. 

Haha, it’s funny when one of my little mice is running in a ball and hits a wall. Oops! Did it again. Hahaha! Never gets old. (This is why I’m single.)

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That time I made a great first impression.

The Summer of 2013

Oh, Corbin*. He was my favorite so far. He was very tall (6′ 6″). Good-looking. Older. He owned his own house. He had a great career. He made great money. He seemed to just have his things in order. Well, let me tell you about our first date.

We met on Match.com. He contacted me first, through email. We went to some restaurant near where we both live (we only live about 10 minutes away from each other). The restaurant wasn’t very full. It was kind of a half-a$$ed attempt at a sports bar and grill. I got a huge BBQ burger. Corbin said he was interested to see me devour the huge, messy burger.

Then there was our waitress. Poor girl. She was not very good. And I, being the super nice person that I am, made a snide comment or two to Corbin about her service (and I thought I was being sneaky and quiet). Well, she MUST have heard me be SUPER rude because her manager came over to first ask us how we thought she was doing, and then explain that today was her first day waiting tables and that she was very nervous. He asked for some critique that he could give her. Oh, man. First date. I insult the poor, young waitress. She hears. Her manager talks to us. They probably spit on my burger that night. I felt terrible.

Surprisingly, Corbin wanted to go out with me again the next night. And I agreed – even though my initial impression of him was that he was a little pretentious (and I don’t like when guys wear necklaces – he sometimes wears one).

 

*Again, Corbin’s name isn’t really Corbin.

My First Kiss

The Winter of 2011

Here’s my big confession: I was very late to the dating party. My first official date was a day or two after I graduated COLLEGE (2009). My next official date was two and a half years later.

My second date was also when I got my first kiss.

I’d been talking to and texting with this guy from work. We’ll call him Steve*. I wasn’t sure if I thought he was cute or not. We did have a fun meet cute, so there was that. (He saved me from talking to someone I really didn’t want to talk to, at a party about two months after I started working at the zoo.) Anyway. We’d been talking for about a month. We’d hung out at his apartment. Our first hangout, I made him watch all the Twilight movies (I think there were three out at that time). I fell asleep. AFTER he forced me to move over and snuggle with him. Which was SO awkward for this girl who had been on one date and never kissed a guy. I was SO not into snuggling with him. I just wanted to watch Twilight and hang out!! Ha, anyway, once when we were texting he used a word that I’d never heard a guy my age use (looking back, it was probably dumb. But he said “implicit.”) And smart guys are sexy. So I said something about wanting to kiss him. Basically I gave him the go-ahead to kiss me if he took me out.

So the first week of December we went on our first date (my second date EVER) downtown on the river. I looked GOOD. Not gonna lie. I had a cute sweater dress, boots, long hair. This was one lucky fool. So, I knew the whole time that the kiss was going to come. I didn’t know when. I was almost dreading it. We walked, ate dinner. During dinner he told me how great I looked (DUH) and he fished for a compliment from me (I’m a terrible liar and I STILL wasn’t sure I found him attractive or not!) So after dinner, we started walking around the Riverwalk and we stopped at a random spot near a bridge or something….and it almost happened. It was actually supposed to happen…but as it was coming, I awkwardly bailed by putting my head down. So. Cool. He asked if I was ok, I said yeah. So we tried again. This time it happened.

(Here’s the outfit I wore. This wasn’t the night of the date, but it’s the exact same outfit.)

first date (2)

Now, since this was my first kiss EVER, like, since my parents kissed me goodnight as a tiny child, I was expecting a sweet peck of some kind. Yeah. No. That did not happen. He came open-mouthed, tongue in my mouth. Now, I will give him credit. Once I got used to the whole kissing thing, I realized he was a darn good kisser. And I think that he probably helped make me a decent kisser. But for my first kiss, that was not what I wanted. In my mind I remember thinking, “Holy crap. Why is this SEA MONSTER in my mouth right now?! And what do I do with it??” I’m pretty sure his receiving end must have been awful. But he kept racking up the numbers as the night went on. It never got better on my end. It felt so weird and awkward all night.

When we got back to his place, where I’d left my keys and purse, I was totally ready to bail and go home. It had been a very tiring night for me, worrying about kissing and then dealing with his tongue. But he started kissing me. Then he pushed me on the couch and started making out with me. COME. ON. I was so not into it. I dealt with it for like a minute but when his hand started creeping up my dress, I totally ran away. I told him I was so tired and I practically sprinted to my car. I immediately called my best friend from college, who thankfully woke up, and recalled the night. I told her about the sea monster, too.

I was 24 years old. It was two years ago this month. I actually feel like I’ve been kissing people forever now, but I can vividly remember how terrifying that first time was. (Because it was ONLY TWO YEARS AGO.)

Steve and I have a long, tumultuous history that I’ll share more of with you guys. But there’s plenty of time in my “year without any dates” for that!

So, there’s that embarrassing story. Do you have any embarrassing first kiss/date stories? I’d love to hear them!

*I changed his name, though any friend of mine will know exactly who I’m talking about. Sorry!