Gahhhhh!

There are too many ups and downs in my life for my liking!!! JUST STOP. Stop it. No. Don’t. Don’t. No more!

Gaaahhhhh. I can’t catch a break. I’m doing something very wrong and I still can’t figure out what it is. I think it’s having feelings. And caring about things. I need to just stop caring. Then everything will be even keeled. Boom. Solutions. See what happens when you talk out your problems?

So last week I got stood up (aka he just didn’t text me even though we were supposed to hang out and I haven’t heard from him since the day before we were supposed to hang out) by a sexy male friend. (Obviously, not a friend anymore.) 

Something amazing happened at work. Then about 24 hours later that something amazing was taken away again. So I was on a super high for those 24 hours and I’ve been on a super low (angry and hating everything) since then (then being Saturday evening). I’m so upset that I bailed on going tubing on a river with a lady friend of mine. I LOVE water. I love tubing. But I want nothing to do with any of it because I’m so upset. Being stood up last week sure doesn’t help either. 

I’m definitely hitting a sad patch. Feeling like my friends are all out of reach – I have no go-to person to talk everything out to so I just text random people with random bits of my problems and never feel satisfied that someone heard me and cares. My position at work leaves me wanting more. More responsibility, more projects, more substance. I’m trying to fill the voids with everything I can think of. I missed over a week at the gym because of my second job and having my period last week. I became so inactive. All I wanted to do was rip out my uterus and eat junk food. I had no energy and no drive. Now it’s going to be hard to make myself workout because I’m so sad/mad. I wish I could just take out parts of my brain temporarily so I could get on with life. My brain gets in the way of everything. Stupid feelings. I don’t like them. 

However, today I bought THREE Jillian Michaels workout DVDs. She’s my fave celeb trainer. I also bought 10 lb. weights. And new, super light and airy athletic shorts (which can also double as shorts for work – very nice for those hot days). I bought a new, easier to use water bottle because I’ve been lacking in my water consumption. 

Ok, to occupy my brain and to try to stave off sadness galore, here are some goals for the rest of the month for me to obsess over: 

1. DRINK WATER.

2. DON’T DRINK SODA.

3. Workout 5-6 days a week.

4. Go to church on Sunday mornings.

5. Read before bed every night – no watching TV on the computer.

6. Write in a journal instead of texting my problems to people who don’t really care. 

7. Bring the fast food eating down to one day a week. Preferably one meal a week. 

8. Don’t think about work so much. Explore my neglected hobbies again (there are MANY). 

9. GET OVER IT.