Ouch.

The workouts are going really well! I’m in the middle of week 2/12. A couple days ago I ran THREE MILES on the treadmill, which I haven’t done for years! And I wasn’t even tired! Just my legs were sore. 

I do have a little set back – I think I pulled an abdominal muscle at the beginning of today’s workout. I tried to push through but I think I just made it worse. And I think it happened because we didn’t warm up. Bad exercisers! I hope it feels better by Monday because I have a full body resistance circuit that I need to do. I should run tomorrow before my other job (a twelve hour day!) but I’m not sure I’ll make it to the gym before work. Especially with this ache in my abdomen. 

Man, I just watched an adorable movie about writers. It made me wish that I was a writer. I should just write in all my spare time. To be a writer, that would be great. I’m sure there are negatives to that line of work, just as there are negatives in all jobs. I just wish there were fewer negatives out there. 

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Big stress = little waist

So my whole bettering myself plan hasn’t really happened this year. I’m easily distracted by things like work and tiredness, stress and sleep. Work is stressing me out to the max and instead of turning to exercise for relief, I turn to sleeping pills and fast food. I’ve lost weight, which is really nice as far as fitting into my old clothes goes, but it hasn’t been a healthy weight loss. It’s a stress weight loss, which for me, means not eating as much as I should be. And not eating the right things. So I’m slimmer but not any healthier. I’m very happy to be slim, but I want to use this bad weight loss as a jumping point for a new workout program.

I stumbled upon something on Instagram a few weeks ago and I have been thinking about it ever since. There’s a trainer in Australia named Kayla Itsines and she regularly posts result pictures that girls using her program post and tag her in. And they look EXACTLY like how I want to look! And many of them actually start out looking the way I already look – slim, but a flabby kind of slim. Then they lose fat and develop muscles and lean tone. Which is EXACTLY what I want! So, I finally bought the program today. I bought the eating guide, as well, because my diet is abysmal. I eat fast food for pretty much every meal. I’m a 500 lb. person in a skinny body (and my only saving grace is my major calorie-burning, labor-intensive job, plus some stress).

So, while I’m loving my bikini body this summer (thank goodness!), I know that I’m very unhealthy and I would like to change that. As you know. I’ve been trying FOREVER. I’m hoping this guide will be the change I need. I’m very low on energy (which is another thing that makes working out hard) and very high on stress so I need a huge change.

And, for those of you who told me that I should focus on ONE thing, this is my one thing. Another nice thing about stress, besides weight loss, is how it causes me to lose the ability to focus on many things at once. My brain sort of shuts down and I can’t think about much besides what’s stressing me out. So this one thing is what I will be focusing on. Thankfully, because of the guides, I will hopefully not have to think much. I will just have to DO. But doing is the hardest part.

By the way, this week, or just prior to starting this new program, I will post a current “before” picture. It will be better than my last one, and hopefully I will have more frequent updates to post! The people I see using this program have AMAZING after pictures just half way through the program. I hope to be one of them.

Work plans busted – new plan!

I don’t have time for a full post right now, but I just wanted to share this quickly. After a week of being upset and angry, I have finally mellowed out, which has allowed me to be level-headed enough to come up with a new plan. Instead of thinking so much about work, where I have no control, I decided to focus on something that I have almost complete control over (or at least a majority of the control): my exercise and diet plans. I started out with really good ones when I started this blog, and then got interrupted by some medical worries and a new job. So now I’m going to throw myself into that again. If I stick with it, there will be great results with a healthier body and mind. I would still like to fit into some of my clothes from last summer – even though I have been buying new clothes since literally nothing I owned before fits right now. And I would really like the majority of what goes INTO my body to be healthy and helpful – not trash. 

So, new obsession: GET FIT AND HEALTHY!

How have I already started? I have made a weight lifting record sheet for my lifting partner and myself. My mom got us hand little pronged folders to keep them in so we can make notes as we workout. My plan this weekend, if I have any time (I have a 24 hour babysitting gig starting soon), is to make a cardio AND lifting plan for at least the next month. It’ll be hard to squeeze in all the workouts I want/need because I work two jobs, but I think I can do it with the right amount of planning. Plus, if this will keep my brain healthy and preoccupied, it will be better for everyone. Plus, just changing my diet (aka not eating fast food every day) will make a HUGE impact just by itself. I think the working out will just be a bonus. (I am one of those lucky people with a fairly quick metabolism – yet I find it so hard to purposefully lose weight.)

So I’m feeling pretty positive and excited for the months to come. Now that my brain is freed up, I can focus on this new plan and make it awesome. Having my workout/accountability partner, Brooke, will make it that much better. 

Wish me luck!

So bad at things….

I am the worst at things. 

Seriously. Everyone else I know can do everything and anything. They make money, they get boyfriends/girlfriends, they workout regularly, they don’t eat fast food every night, they’re not always telling themselves they have a crazy disease.

How did I end up with the short end of the stick? 

I think I think too much. Or I think about the wrong stuff. On top of that, I have this little problem. If it’s not perfect, I want to give up. No room for mistakes, missteps, or shortcomings. If it wasn’t perfect, it’s not worth even trying anymore. 

That’s dumb. I know. But it’s really hard to overcome. Accepting “good enough” or “okay” is SO hard. Especially in today’s culture. Everyone seems perfect in magazines, on social media, everywhere. Everyone is bragging about their lives, or the great things their kids are accomplishing, or the cool things they can afford to buy. 

I get it. It’s all a facade. Not everyone’s life is perfect all the time. Pretty much no one has a perfect life. I just feel like I shouldn’t get stuck the way I do. I am educated. I am fairly intelligent. I’m social and get along with people. I can flirt with the best of them. 

Yet, here I am. Failing at this blog. Eating too much fast food. Not losing any weight (probably gaining more). Not working out regularly. Basically, I’m not achieving any of my goals. And I feel like I have given up. I’ve let myself go. Because I failed this year, I’ll just have to wait for a new beginning. 

But that is BULL PUCKY! I can start now! I can workout. I can stop eating horrible food. I can continue this blog. I’m going to be that little engine that could. The only person getting in my way is myself. There is not another single person who is stopping me. In fact, I have more people wishing me well and willing to do things like workout with me. 

Guys, I’m so tired and lazy. After I get off work (YAY FOR EMPLOYMENT!!!!), I’m starving. Which makes it VERY hard to make it home without stopping at one of the hundreds of fast food joints along the way. So then I eat a huge pile of crap. So then I feel like crap and I’m full and working out will have to wait until some of this food leaves my stomach. Oh, but then I get too tired waiting for that time to come. So then I give up. 

Bad Alicia! Bad. 

My favorite class at the gym right now is called BodyAttack. It’s so fun! It’s full of movement, music, shortness of breath, running, jumping. I feel so great after each class. Unfortunately there is only one that I can attend during the whole week! So I need to find something equally as appealing the other days. And I still need to get into a weight lifting routine. Why is that so hard to do? I guess I just want someone to tell me what to do and how much weight to do it with. Oh, wait. There’s a class for that, too. They don’t quite tell you how much weight to use, they make suggestions, but they do tell you how to lift it. So, I guess I’m out of excuses….

Wagons. Yippie ki-ay!

Oh, man. I have fallen off all the wagons! I’ve been sick since last Tuesday-ish. I can finally breathe (still coughing) and tomorrow will be my workout test. I haven’t worked out for exactly seven days. Eek! (But the appetite-suppressant that was my disease may have helped me shed a couple pounds.) So tomorrow is 20 mins of strength. Not too bad. I’m just ready to get this show on the road again! My meals have been weird. Three days of almost no eating, a couple nights of binge-drinking, and a few fast food stops since my calorie count was so low.

This blog has been on hold because I still don’t have a power cord for my laptop. I do have WordPress on my phone but the latest Samsung update has made typing and texting on my phone a complete biotch. Why do you just make words in the middle of my sentences disappear, stupid phone?! I’ve never used the backspace more. BUT the power  was ordered….dammit! Give me back the word “cord,” which i DID type! See? I left that mistake in to show you how my phone is trying to give me an aneurysm.

Any way, the cord is on its way. Workout is tomorrow. Hopefully sanity and hilarious stories return (just had to retype “return” three times because Galaxy over here wanted it GONE). I’m sorry for this unfortunate and boring break.

I’m leaving now before I throw my phone against a wall.

20 Minutes of Yoga/Stretching

Today is day four of my workout routine so that means yoga and/or stretching for 20 minutes. I never do yoga, so I always have to look up a video if I want to do it. I just Googled “20 minute yoga workout” and came upon this video.

Let me tell you – I have been so sore this week from my workouts, since I was sorely out of shape, and this stretching really helped. Tomorrow is my rest day, but I might do this video again tomorrow just to help regain my flexibility because this stretching really emphasized how tight I am EVERYWHERE. Usually it’s my hammies and quads, but not anymore.

New body – Go!

For the past few years, my weight has fluctuated. Actually, my weight has been fluctuating most of my life. Since 7th grade, really. It goes up, it goes down. It stays within a small range for a while. Sometimes it shoots up. Sometimes is falls down. 

In the last two years, the only times I’ve had significant weight loss is when I get “dumped.” (I put that in quotations because I’ve never had an official boyfriend.) So I got really skinny really fast – but I didn’t look fit. I haven’t looked fit since I ran the year after college.

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I’m the one in the purple top. This is after one of those “break-up” times when I didn’t eat a whole lot. Not SKINNY…but super skinny for ME.

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Here’s the skinniest I think I’ve ever been. And, I’m not going to lie, I loved being that size. I felt like I looked so much better in all photos, all clothes, everything. Maybe I can get back there, healthily, by working out and eating right – instead of just not eating at all because I’m devastated, haha. 

Now here are some pictures from when I ran/worked out regularly. You can see it in the leg muscles.

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Now, what’s the point of all this you ask? Well, my friends, the point is that I’m gearing up to put my “before” picture up. It’s a picture I took today. In a bikini. I’ve had to buy bigger pants this past month – even bigger underwear!!! I haven’t been eating well AT ALL and I haven’t been active AT ALL and it has finally caught up to me. 

This is a very scary prospect for me. I know TONS of women put before and after photos up on the internet every day. And I love those photos. They’re so inspiring because they show real people getting real results. They’re images we can actually aspire to in this world of Photoshop and marketing lies. 

But here’s why mine is scary: mine is from today. There will be no immediate “after” photo. It’s just me, my flab….laying it all out there. I’m going to use this as HUGE motivation. Because if I don’t workout and eat right, there will be no hot-lady-after-photo for me to show you. You’re just going to be left with this very unflattering image of a girl who is very out of shape and loves chips and sweets (and, full disclosure, I’ve become a little addicted to soda).

So I’m going to psych myself up just a little bit more, put the photos together. The only editing I am doing it brightening (I took them in a room with terrible lighting), cropping, and Pic-Stitching. And then BAM. You will see. Eeek. Lord, help me!